i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
