false alarm. still invincible.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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