just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
