We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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