My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
