I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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