why didn't you poke me back
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
