but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
