Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
