I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
