he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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