I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
