I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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