weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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