now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
