pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Randomize
