This girl is more easily done than said...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
