Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
