you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize