i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
