i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
