He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
