M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
