worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
