4 words: hood of his car
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
