nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
