Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone signed my nipple.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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