why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
