i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
