you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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