a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
