My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's just like the Real World with babies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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