if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
