you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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