How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Vodka?
Forever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
