my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
