Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
