Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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