Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
