i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
