I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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