he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
