That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
