No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
