omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
