She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
