I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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