I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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