My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
