Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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