we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
