Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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