I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
