I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
