I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
