something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
