cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
