why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
