Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
