But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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