The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry about my life...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
