If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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