You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Less talking, more tequila
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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