did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What a dumb baby whore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
