I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
