did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he thought i was a dude.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
