please come you make the beer taste better
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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