dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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