Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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